Do I kiss him?
absolutely not.
don’t do a thing.
sit still
bring attention to your lips.
I sat there.
A million thoughts went thru my head. Yet I couldn’t get a single word or phrase out of my mouth.
What is this paralysis you might ask? Anxiety.
I think.
If it were to be anyone else and if I didn’t have such strong feelings for this person it wouldn’t have mattered.
Yet because I put myself in this situation there’s high risk and high reward. However there is high risk and also a shit ton of hurt.
right now I am happy and sad because I didn’t kiss him.
It’s not much to it.
I just wanted to bring you along my thought process when deciding whether or not to make a move on a man or anyone for that sake that I find attractive.
I hate it when the other person initiates but it takes a whole village for me to decide and make the first move.
Overall, I’m not just disappointed, but I was excited, nervous and happy that I got to experience those feelings again.
I think overall, these experiences with people that I’ve known for ages, and also respect is really challenging to navigate and just because I didn’t kiss him means it’s over. When the time is right we will. Otherwise we might never kiss or even see eachother again.
I have very low low expectations and high hopes. Actually I have high expectations and dream too much. But that’s another story for next time.