Do I kiss him?

absolutely not.

don’t do a thing.

sit still

bring attention to your lips.

I sat there.

A million thoughts went thru my head. Yet I couldn’t get a single word or phrase out of my mouth.

What is this paralysis you might ask? Anxiety.

I think.

If it were to be anyone else and if I didn’t have such strong feelings for this person it wouldn’t have mattered.

Yet because I put myself in this situation there’s high risk and high reward. However there is high risk and also a shit ton of hurt.

right now I am happy and sad because I didn’t kiss him.

It’s not much to it.

I just wanted to bring you along my thought process when deciding whether or not to make a move on a man or anyone for that sake that I find attractive.

I hate it when the other person initiates but it takes a whole village for me to decide and make the first move.

Overall, I’m not just disappointed, but I was excited, nervous and happy that I got to experience those feelings again.

I think overall, these experiences with people that I’ve known for ages, and also respect is really challenging to navigate and just because I didn’t kiss him means it’s over. When the time is right we will. Otherwise we might never kiss or even see eachother again.

I have very low low expectations and high hopes. Actually I have high expectations and dream too much. But that’s another story for next time.