I just finished college now what?
I don’t have the answers here.
If you’re new here, welcome.
I’m Hillary where I spontaneously talk about what’s on my mind and I’m actively fighting life demons and choosing peace and happiness.
In today’s episode I will be talking about my life direction now with also the love of my life, myself.
Just kidding, my community I’ve made at Cal within and throughout Cal.
I can’t believe it’s been over 5 years now that I’m at Cal.
I worked my butt off, took the easiest classes I could find, made so many life long friends, and cried alot.
There were scaring days where I would go to sleep exhausted after submitting an assignment at 11:59PM or 12:01 AM. Then immediately emailing the teacher that I appologize because of some reason like the internet went out, or I panicked, or that I just am bad at time management.
These were the days before I was ADHD diagnosed. After I was diagnosed I still struggled to meet deadlines, but with more grace and forgiveness to myself. I understood that the title of coming to Berkeley didn’t regard the deep struggles I faced in Berkeley.
I am accomplished, I am driven, and I am spontaneous.
I am who I am because of the community I surrounded myself with.
I learned that despite all the flaws, and disadvantages I had, I was able to still make new friends, connections and make my experience at Cal wonderful.
A part of me wants to stay home all day, and just sleep, journal, eat and repeat. That’s because I just finished a whole trip visiting my family and moving half my belongings down to SoCal.
Now I’m left with more time to think, write and reflect upon my accomplishments.
I am so happy for all the things I got to experience but I personally didn’t want to celebrate myself. Almost as if once I got to the finish line it didn’t matter. I was done. I just wanted to be out. Now that the party phase is over I’m just here. I am existing. It’s Memorial Day, and I have nothing to worry about. I know that itself is a priviledge, and that I am working my way towards other side missions. But overall, I think I think too much and too deeply about things where it paralyzes me. I can’t believe I just finished a whole degree because it was the ‘right’ thing to do.
Now what’s next? Maybe get married?
