learning to navigate this blog

Personally I am terrified about having this public blog and sharing my relationship journey, but I do so anyways.

Have you ever heard the saying, do it scared? do it anyways?

*crickets….*

okay now you have!

well anyways, I unfortunately all my life have been driven by fear. I was literally born in a country my grandparents fled to because of fear. Sometimes enough fear will push you out of your comfort zone and better you in many ways that you could never imagine. I believe my parents when they say that there could be war any second without a warning. I believe my parents that share there could be a disaster and you won’t be ready for it.

*confused silence*

… (btw I learned this style of typing from my friend and I find it hilarious b/c when I read I laugh out loud hearing them paint the picture for me)

Anyways, for context, my parents (as tiny children) and grandparents fled Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge.

Unfortunately I’ve down played their experience because I think all my aunties are so powerful nothing can shake them. They laugh, enjoy and hardly talk about their past PTSD experience because it was mortifying!

I can’t blame them, I think they are such amazing people. I am so sad that my parents grew up with war, and they were children of refugees and refugees themselves.

Living this separate life, the two of them have this unspoken bond. I think being so young and innocent at the time of war in 1979 is so so scary. I would comfort and hug my mom and dad and try to bring them up better.

I love them so much, and there has been times I’ve shit talked on them online, but boy am I overall grateful for my connection with them.

When bad news spreads it spreads like wild fire.

I don’t know why good news doesn’t travel as fast…

In my world it seems like bad news is always circulating. People were always dying, my mom would get multiple calls from other relatives that X,Y and Z person died or this or that.

I realized as I grew up this was not normal. This isn’t common that a relative would pass due to a crime related activity. I didn’t realize some people never experienced what I experienced.

Hence there is an importance for everyone’s lived experience, and I empathize with these folks because it can be difficult to tolerate. I have a big window of toleration for partners that I enjoy being around and who’ve gone thru hardships.

Almost a terribly big big heart to those people who experience child @bu$e, SA/DV ($*xu@l @ss*lt/d0mest!c vi*lence) not sure what’s allowed to be said here and not allowed to be said here….

anyways sorry to leave you on this, but that’s all I have to share for now. Talk later! BYEEES